Never gonna be the same

    I really miss Shelly. She has changed so much since the loss of her daughter. I realize it's never going to be the same again, and she is going through the worst possible thing she could go through, but that doesn't mean that I can't miss her. Shelly's here in body but not in spirit most of the time. She is not the same person I got back together with 3yrs ago and definitely not the same person I was with 20 something years ago. It's not her fault, but it's not mine either. The loss of her daughter has changed both of our lives drastically. Shelly is in such a deep depression, understandably, and it has rubbed off on me. I try my best to be there for her and be understanding, and I know I fall short sometimes. I have no children of my own, so I don't truly know the feeling of being a parent, so I absolutely can't imagine the feeling of loosing a child. So I live with this constant feeling of helplessness, because there is nothing I can do to help this person that I love so much. I'm sure (and hope) that we will both evolve from this horrible experience. We won't be the same though, and like I said, I really miss Shelly. Thanks for listening, Kevin

Amber's Angelversary

            It has been one year ago today since the tragic accident that took the life of Shelly's daughter, Amber. Shelly calls it Amber's Angelversary. We know she is in Heaven and at peace, she gives us signs from time to time. Even knowing that, it is still a very hard thing to accept, Shelly is having a really tough time. Shelly's son and his girlfriend are coming over today, which will be good for both of them. I know it will really help Shelly having her son here on this day. Amber's life ended way too soon, a month before her 18th birthday, but God must have had bigger plans for her. Amber you greatly missed and greatly loved by many. We keep hearing more and more about the peoples lives you had touched in your short time. We love you and miss you, Kevin

A little about me





      I thought I'd tell everyone a little about me and post a few pics if I can. I'm 44 years old and live with my better half Shelly in Bristol Ct. I mentioned in my first blog that Shelly and I met 26 years ago. This is the third time we have been together. I was married for almost thirteen years and got divorced, in between the last time Shelly and I were together, and this time. I'm so much happier with Shelly, she is my soulmate, the one I never forgot about.

Shelly and I









       We have a 4 year old long-hair mini dachshund named Zoe. She is the best dog I've ever had, and I had a couple of great dogs in the past, a dachshund growing up and a white german shephard while I was married. We also have a cat named Sammie. She was a stray living outside at where I work. Shelly saw her and was adament that we had to save her. She is now a strictly indoor cat and her and Zoe get along great. They even play together and Sammie is bigger than Zoe. Zoe only weighs 9 lbs.



Sammie



Zoe





When Zoe was a puppy, she met Xena, the German Shephard I had when I was married



      We also have two snakes, although Shelly wants no part of them. Jessie is a striped motley corn snake and Otis is a ball python. I have had quite a few different snakes over the years. Snakes have always amazed me, they look so helpless, but they are far from it.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                             

Jessie



Otis

         I am into weird and unique plants.I have a bunch that have to come in for the winter, so the living room looks like a jungle right now. I started a winter hardy cactus garden last summer, we'll see how that goes. One of my favorites are my Amorphophallus Konjacs, they go dormant for the winter but send up a "flower" during that time that smells like garbage and rotten flesh for about one day. Shelly's not too crazy about those, because they are inside when that happens. The reason for the smell is because they are pollinated by flies in their native habitat.                                                                                                                                                                           

Me and some of my Amorphophallus plants



Amorphophallus flower



Gerardanthus Machrohizus, my favorite

       And last but least, what I do for a living. I did construction for quite a few years, a little bit of everything including masonry. Now I make springs, for the last 17 years. I know what you are thinking right now " Car springs?", that's the first thing I'm always asked. Start looking around your home and you'll find springs everywhere, automotive, medical, toys, guns, pens, lighters etc. It not exciting, but it pays the bills. Well I'm done for this blog. I need alot more practice adding pics, this blog kicked my ass and irritated me. Hope it comes out ok. Thanks for listening, Kevin

Friends re-visited

    Last night, after a couple weeks of trying, I finally got together with two great friends from my past. One I've known since second grade and the other since sixth grade. I'm 44, so we're talking 37 and  33 years that we have known each other! We had drifted apart and not had any real contact with each other for the past 20 something years. They are two of the ones I was talking about in my Friends blog that I have reconnected with recently. I had a great night. There was not a single awkward moment or any silence, there was alot of laughs. Much needed laughs on my part. I can't wait to get together with them again. I really don't see us drifting apart again anytime soon. I am so thankful for the reconnections with all of the friends from my past who meant alot to me. Maybe the end of the world is coming and this is closure. Who knows? Thanks for listening, Kevin

The bar scene

    Back in the day I loved the bar scene, day or night, especially night. I spent many nights in many different types of bars. I loved going to the dance bars, for the drink specials, I loved the strip clubs, for you know what and my favorite was going to bars to see bands, especially at the Brick n' Wood cafe. It became a Sunday night ritual that a group of friends got together and played pool at a bar that was packed on Fri and Sat. nights, but empty on Sundays. The bar scene was a big part of my life for awhile. Alot of good times. Then the older I got, it dwindled away. Never really enjoyed the music at the dance clubs. When I started feeling like I was old enough to be the dancer's father, bye bye strip clubs. Still enjoy seeing a band from time to time though, even if I get fist bumped by a stranger with him saying "Glad I'm not the only grey-hair here". Really happened at Megadeth. So what is the attraction to bars if you're not trying to get laid? As was the case for me back in the day. Not now. I dropped Shelly off for an appointment yesterday and had some time to kill. Not much to do in the area, so I decided to stop in a local bar for a beer. Of course I was an outsider, so I just observed. As I sat there observing everyone, it seemed like a sort of family or at least a camaraderie, but the more I observed, I saw it was alot of loneliness and people just not wanting to be home. I'm glad the bar scene is out of my blood. If I'm gonna have a beer, I would much rather have it at home with Shelly. Thanks for listening, Kevin

Choices we make

         Since the unfortunate passing of Whitney Houston, I've been hearing alot of people putting the blame on Bobbie Brown. That he was a bad influence and was her downfall. I even agreed. And then I got to really thinking about it. Let me just say now that I have never been a big fan of either one ( not my type of music ) but, Whitney was blessed with an absolutely beautiful voice and I didn't mind hearing a song of hers from time to time. Bobbie Brown on the other hand, I couldn't even name one of his songs. So yes, I agreed and then thought about it. Ok, he probably wasn't the best influence in her life, but is he to blame for the path that she took? Isn't she responsible for any wrong decision she made? It seems that the majority of people won't accept the blame for their own actions or decisions. I've seen it so many times at work over the years, someone is taking heat over something they did wrong, and they try throwing someone else under the bus. Look at politicians, perfect example, how often do any of them admit any blame on themselves? Talk about finger pointing! Then there's the ones facing criminal charges, the blame is always on their abusive childhood or where they grew up and live etc. C'mon people start putting the blame where it belongs, on yourself. We are responsible for our own decisions and actions, no one else. I have made many wrong decisions over the years, resulting in many stupid actions and many of  them probably would not have presented themselves to me had I not been with the person or persons I was with at the time. But ultimately, every wrong thing I have ever done and every wrong decision I have made was my fault and no one else's. Thanks for listening, Kevin

Friends

     First off, let me start by saying there is not going to be any rhyme or reason to my blogs. No set day for a new one. Just whatever is on my mind, whenever. I have the urge now to talk about friends. What a unique entity friends can be! Ones that you think will always have your back, aren't always there when you need them, and then there are the ones that you don't expect much from and they turn out to be there when you really need some help. I recently, within the last few weeks, got reconnected with a great friend from my past. I hadn't seen her in 20 years and it is like not a day went by. We talk to each other almost every day and got together once so far. It's so comfortable. And then there are friends I have known for quite a few years, speak to on a regular basis, and that comfort level isn't even close. I have been fortunate enough to reconnect with a few friends from my past over the last couple of years. One of them I didn't get to spend enough time with, he passed away in May 2011 from cancer, but I thank God for the reconnection we had. I'm really happy for the friends that I have gotten reacquainted with from years ago, you guys are true and have helped me alot! I don't know if I'm not as much of an asshole as I thought or if you all just forgot. Lol. Seriously, I do appreciate all the friends I have, whether they are work friends, old friends or new friends. And the ones that I thought were friends, oh well. Thanks for listening, Kevin

Where do I start?

   Trying to figure out how to get the ball rolling here! Guess I'll start with where I'm at now. I'm with the woman I've always been in love with. Have you ever had a person come into your life, and for whatever reasons it doesn't work at the time, so you move on, but you never forget that person. That's my Shelly. We met when she was sixteen, dated, broke up, got back together when she was nineteen, broke up, didn't have any contact with each other for about eighteen years and we're back together for almost three years now. I tease her that "Third time's a charm" or "Three strikes you're out". But I can never picture her out because I feel Shelly is my soul mate. We have had a very trying year though. It started over a year ago. when Shelly had to start doing dialysis for a kidney problem she has had since she was ten. But on Feb, 25 2011 the absolute worst happened, Shelly's seventeen year old daughter passed away in a car accident. Since then we have both lost close friends and family members.It has been a very tough year for us both, but especially more so for Shelly. I feel so helpless all the time that I can't make her pain go away. It's so hard to see the one you love suffering so bad. Maybe doing a blog will help me vent some. Thanks for listening and we'll talk again soon, Kevin