Gotta be me

              This is not how I expected things to be at this point in my life. I like being in a relationship better than the dating scene, especially at my age of 45 in a few days. I got all the wild times out of my system in my early twenties and got married at 25. I thought that was it. We bought a house, mortgage would be payed off  before I would be sixty. Perfect. I was happy. I did enjoy being married, most of the time. By the age of 38 I was divorced. Partly my fault I'm sure, but her cheating on me didn't help. So 38 and single again. Have a new mortgage, that will never be paid off. My retirement plan is death. I've had two relationships since my divorce, both lasted about 3 1/2 years. That seems to be the new breaking point, where I screw it all up. It's gotta be me. I even have a friend, whom I've known for 20 something years, upset with me right now because I said  that someone with no kids can put more into a relationship than someone that does. Am I wrong?  I'm the first one to admit that I'm not perfect. But it seems that I have more blame put on me than I deserve. Shelly is leaving next weekend and I can't wait to have my house to myself. She talks about me to her friends on the phone like I can't hear her. It gets really annoying. I like being in a relationship, but I'm looking forward to some alone time.  Just felt like venting alittle. Thanks for listening, Kevin